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Scenic Route
Life's one helluva ride — why not enjoy the view?
The Scenic Route Podcast is your audio chill pill, serving up mindset shifts, laughs, and 'aha!' moments that fuel your soul and your wallet.
We're all about:
- Finding purpose (without the fluff)
- Embracing the soft life (because hustle culture is so last season)
- Real talk (sugar-coating? Not around here)
- Actionable insights (for when you're ready)
- Daring convos (we go there, babes)
- Building resilience (without the toxic positivity)
- Mindfulness for real people (with real problems)
Whether you're feeling lost and emotionally exhausted, hiding from your kids in the bathroom, need a break from the chaos, or want to zen out, we've got you covered.
Join Jennifer Walter, sociologist (MASoc UCC) and pathfinder, on this journey to inner peace — with a generous side of potty humour.
Ready to care less about others' BS and more about your own bliss? Hop on The Scenic Route. Trust us, the view up here is *chef's kiss*.
New episodes drop every Tuesday.
Your next chill session awaits. You coming?
Scenic Route
Embrace Self-Compassion And Practice Self-Love with Christina Carlson
Do you treat everyone in your life better than you treat yourself?
Join us on a transformative journey with life coach Christina Carlson as we explore the paths of self-acceptance, self-compassion, and our self-love journey in this episode of the Scenic Route Podcast.
Christina's guidance unveils self-love as a vibrant present reality, not just a distant dream. Together, we'll peel back the layers of societal expectations and personal barriers, revealing how humour and self-deprecation often mask our true selves.
Christina shares invaluable insights on addiction's complexities and self-compassion's liberating power. We delve into practical strategies for resisting the subtle, often unnoticed forces that impede our evolution, especially during pivotal life transitions. Understanding our deeper motivations lights us through the mist of outdated habits and points us toward genuine and lasting transformation.
Why Tune In?
- Insightful Perspectives: Discover Christina Carlson’s expert take on self-love as an accessible state of being.
- Beyond the Surface: Unpack the layers of self-deprecation and humour that shield us from our authentic selves.
- Strategies for Healing: Learn about breaking free from addiction through self-compassion and understanding personal motivations.
- Empowerment in Action: Embrace practical advice on making small, daily choices that lead to significant, meaningful transformations.
Christina Carlson’s wisdom pairs beautifully with a deep dive into personal growth and self-compassion, making this episode a must-listen for anyone on the path to self-discovery and empowerment.
Join us in episode #65 of the Scenic Route Podcast as we explore the depths of self-love and self-compassion.
Connect with Christina Carlson
Website
Instagram
TikTok
Check out her Podcast Bitches, Witches and Queers
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Desire to find your Scenic Route? Visit jenniferwalter.me — a welcoming space for the emotionally exhausted to rest, discover, and playfully embrace inner peace. Embrace a softer, more fulfilling life today!
For snapshots from Jennifer's scenic route to a softer life come over to
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Tap into your inner wisdom and let it guide you.
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Curious about what insights await you today? Dive in and let your scenic journey unfold, one affirmation at a time.
SHOW SOME LOVE
If you found value in today's episode, I would appreciate it if you could leave a rating and review and help me share the soft life message.
Christina Carlson is a career and life coach for those untangling from religion and patriarchy. They are also an international speaker, facilitator, the host of the podcast Bitches, witches and Queers, and soon-to-be graduate student for her master's in counseling. Christina is certified through Beautiful you Coaching Academy in Australia and the Devoted Energy Coaching School in South Carolina. They have their bachelor's in theology and have devoted extensive hours to continuing education in intra and interpersonal relationships. Cristina's work centers supporting her clients to accept their whole selves with compassion, helping them reclaim the parts of themselves that they have been taught to reject, and supporting them to discover the power of their own energy and honor their unique magic. She has appeared in over 30 podcasts worldwide, has spoken at a conference in Hawaii and has been personally trained by some of the most integrous and experienced coaches in the world. It is her deeply held belief that it is imperfectly sacred and holy to be who you are fully human, christina.
Jennifer Walter:Welcome to the Scenic Route podcast. Hi, thanks for having me. You should have listened to what I haven't recorded. Like just 30 seconds before I hit play, we were like already, like philosophically in deep waters. I'm like damn Well, anyway, we're going to talk about something. I feel we're all on a journey on in different, like I don't know different miles markers for each and one of us, and since I feel it's like a journey we can never reach to the end, we can never make it on top of mount self-love. It's a different journey for all of us. So, christina, what is like what? What obstacles have you faced on your journey towards embracing self-love, and how have you overcome them?
Christina Carlson:well, I think I'm gonna start our overcoming, arguing with you a little bit on like. I mean not more like friendly bouncer, but like the the like. Even the idea of like we're trying to get to more, like a space of more self-love, is the wrong way to look at it, because the purpose of love is at the root of love is acceptance, not acceptance of bad treatment, but rather acceptance of what is, and loving what is in yourself, loving who you are right now. Right, yes, so that being the goal. We can't really look at like someday, like I'll be more self-loving and say that like, then I will be good enough, because that that like then I'll be good enough is implied. And then he's got this life passing and like this yes, I agree, capitalistic version of spirituality that like keeps us coming back for more books and more resources and things to fix ourselves.
Jennifer Walter:That's why I do free shit. You could just use this podcast. But, yeah, agreed. If you look at self-love as a thing to, oh I need to love myself to this amount first so I can I deserve something, yeah, dangerous waters.
Christina Carlson:Well, yeah, and that's the thing is like. So much of this is implied, not said, right, the thing that's said is that we shouldn't love ourselves and like, yes, it said is that we shouldn't love ourselves and like, yes, and like no one's ever gonna say like you need to wait to be enough to love yourself, but the way that you need to love yourself is said.
Jennifer Walter:It is implied that you're not okay until you're doing that thing yes, and how like, and it's also implied, how can you love yourself if you don't look a certain way? Behave how it's expected of you to behave.
Christina Carlson:Yeah, better than the dead yeah, because that because that's actually, that's actually the dangerous part, that's the part that feels scary is like accepting who you are right now and owning who you are right now means not like defending yourself and also taking responsibility, and it like it gives this like vulnerability, of like if you don't like me, then you might not like me and I might have to feel that you don't like me and that's vulnerable because I do like me.
Christina Carlson:There's this thing that happens when we're younger and I don't know if it's the same for everyone, but for me it's like I. That happens when we're younger and I don't know it's the same for everyone, but for me it's like I'm on a playground or I'm at a place and it's like somebody says your shoes look weird and I'm like, yeah, they're so weird, you know, but like immediately I take their side because for me it feels safer to agree with them and join in on the joke than to disagree with them, and that that simple, like little self-abandonment as a way of coping is the way, on a much grander scale, that all of us just kind of operate about a lot of things with self-love and about things about ourselves that we're just yes, yeah, I'm totally shit, because I do this. As long as we're saying that we're shit, other people like yeah, that's fine, yes, oh I relate you.
Jennifer Walter:It's almost like you want to beat him to the punch exactly. Oh, I relate like I had this especially weird um with weight. I mean I wasn't, I mean I wasn't a particularly fat child. I was overweight, still am, but I mean I did figure skating right. I mean I'm still able to move my body and everything. And it was kind of like, as long as I could bring in like oh, I'm the jolly fat kid joke before, to kind of like beat people to the punch and be funny, because fat people at least should be funny um, it was kind of like my coping mechanism of I had no other tools as a kid than dad, so I was surviving with what you said is self-abandonment and I totally agree yeah we do that.
Christina Carlson:We all do that in so many subtle ways. You know, like in every little thing that we're just like oh yeah, I should totally be waking up earlier. I should totally be working out every day, I should totally be journaling more like I should be doing whatever. As long as we're shaming ourselves for not doing the things that other people expect of us and that we expect of us, we're like riding in this safe space or what we feel like is a safer space of self-abandonment. It's the same thing. We're beating them to the punch. As long as we see our flaws and we call them out, then we don't have that vulnerability or that weakness of someone else pointing it out first. So we're hypercritical in this, in those like, if I'm hypercritical of myself, I already know all the things. No one can surprise me with shit that I'm doing. Yeah, it's like. It's not like I really I'm so smart, I feel my flaws, you know, and uh, because it's less scary like than just being surprised by it sometime you were a bitch and someone calls you out on it.
Jennifer Walter:It's like oh no yeah, and I mean I, yeah, I mean especially. I mean everyone has different areas where, when they get called out or called in, like they don't give a crap, and you have areas where you're like man, I tried so hard, like butch, yeah, well, so the the thing. So back to self-love then. How can we define self-love? From what we've talked, I I kind of have an inkling that it involves keeping promises to ourselves, like when I say I go to the gym and then really keep it and really go if I want to go.
Christina Carlson:I mean, I believe trust is like a part of any relationship, so there has to be that element there. But I think, for my understanding of self-love, in the way that I think this is actually going to have an impact on society and on us individually, is that it is a compassionate presence, so it has to be with us. We have to be with us in experiencing the feelings that are real, that we're telling, oh, that's a bad feeling or this is a good feeling, but being with the feelings as they arrive and not shaming them and being compassionate with them. Because, yeah, there is the element of like I, I want to go to the gym and it's like, okay, yeah, and then there's accountability there.
Christina Carlson:But like, how are you meeting yourself and how are you getting yourself there? Like, how are you meeting yourself and how are you getting yourself there? Like, how are you meeting yourself in that entire process? Yeah, are you being with yourself in this experience? Yeah, some motivation. And like, are you allowing yourself to compassionately be human? Because, again, back to the like, this, like hyper spiritual and like hyperoral way of viewing life and living, is a desire to escape the vulnerability of being human and we can't actually do that. So it is a lifelong race of avoiding vulnerability, which isn't possible. It's a desire to control what can't be controlled. It is whether within ourselves or externally, like the. The practice of self-love to me is, for one, a practice of presence, of just being with what is not constantly being fucking present, but like of presence it's no, it's like it's no spirituality guru contest, right, it's yeah it's actually true spirituality.
Christina Carlson:It's not the like, it's not the stuff that sells. It's the stuff that actually changes. It doesn't sell because it's not going to work in six, six simple steps, and it's not going to like cure you in six weeks or whatever it's.
Christina Carlson:It's not like, and it's in a small thing, it is and it it's also in like the most vulnerable, like I'd rather not touch that, like I'd rather not like be nice to myself when I've messed up again and yelled at my kid, or like it's. It's those moments where, like if we're struggling with addiction and we're seeing what we're doing and we're doing that, can we keep on doing it? Yeah, can we meet ourselves there with compassion? Because, because compassionate presence is actually the thing that will change that cycle. If we just continue to shame ourselves, we will just stay there yes, so meeting us where we are brutally honest or compassionately honest.
Jennifer Walter:I suspect for a lot of us it involves the conditioning of sorts. Yeah, because I I mean when I grow up, when I grow up feelings, let's like so-called negative feelings, anger, for example, anger or crying when you hurt your knee or something like when you scrape your knee on a playground it was not something that was encouraged and I was, and I mean I have a practice now whenever my son I mean he's sometimes like a typical four-year-old bless his heart and has this like tantrums out of the blue where I'm like I see you're angry and I love you, but it's I don't know, it's not something. Growing up I haven't really heard that. It was always more like oh, we don't like just, I don't know, don't, don't behave like that, or oh, it wasn't that bad or it didn't hurt that much, or some kind of that, and you really have to find your way through it again yeah, and just just take that and hear like Jennifer, you're angry and that's okay, your anger is valid.
Christina Carlson:It makes sense that you're angry right now. That is meeting yourself with compassion, Like we already know how to do this. It's just we haven't been allowed or given permission to do this to ourselves.
Jennifer Walter:Yes, exactly why. How can we give ourselves permission? Why is it so hard to extend the grace that we give others, to give it ourselves to?
Christina Carlson:It feels vulnerable because, like you said, we were met with. Don't do that, don't feel that the response that we were taught was one of repression. So it's very easy for us to maintain that. My suggestion then, in the presence of like, why is it so hard for me to be compassionate to myself? Is to meet that part with compassion. This is so hard for me. It makes sense that this is hard for me. It's okay that it's fucking hard for me to just be nice, it's okay.
Christina Carlson:Every individual being is brilliant and what they're doing makes absolutely exact, perfect sense. When you look at them, he says like there, there's like a person running through a town screaming, and everyone's looking at this person like they're crazy. And then they see the lion running after this person and he makes sense. That's trauma. That's every single person you meet. There's so many things in us, even within ourselves, that don't make sense. If we haven't seen a lion and because of that it's, it's safe to assume that there's a lion somewhere that's chasing someone, because it's happening to all of us. So it's. It makes perfect sense. Your behavior always makes perfect sense, your feelings always make sense, and that is meeting yourself with compassion. It's like this is hard, and whether it makes you cry or want to punch a wall, that it's hard for you to have compassion for yourself. Like, yes, that's usually. I'm whimpering and like putting myself on the ground, you know, like that's my response every you do you does.
Jennifer Walter:Curiosity help us too, and like understanding, trying to understand. Why do I feel angry now? Why do I feel sad now? Yeah, I think that's part of it.
Christina Carlson:I think, depending on the person, depending on what area of your whole body experience you're used to strengthening more. For me, it's always been easiest to jump to the why am I doing this and try to figure it out and skip the compassion part. So, personally, I'd recommend the like meeting yourself with compassion first, before you try to make a story, before you try to label it, before you try to completely understand it, take a moment to be with it if you can. Yeah, and and feel it and also just be like this is so hard and that's okay, it's okay that it's hard, I don't like it, it's whatever. But actually just be with it before and then give yourself space until you're back on rational online and you have emotional space to process what was actually going on.
Jennifer Walter:Okay, why? Why is this like triggering me, or why is this making me feel a certain way?
Christina Carlson:yeah, because what you're allowing to happen in that moment where you're being with the, the compassionate, you're compassionately being in the moment with that feeling, is you're releasing shame, because otherwise that's where the shame lives. And then you can jump, jump quickly figuring out why, why are you like this, why is this happening? You know it's like then, oh yeah, yeah. Then you go questioning, comes in like what the fuck is wrong with me?
Jennifer Walter:Oh God, yeah, yeah. And that brings me back to what you said before about addiction and how I'm sure a lot of people listening in have had something they know that is not good for them or they feel like I don't want to be doing this but I keep on doing that, and we could like classify this as addiction to some extent. But I'm curious to how you because you brought it up how you define what is an addiction to you, so that we can also look at it how. When is an addiction or something that an addictive behavior or something we would not like to be doing? When is it actually hurting us and when can we just like let it be? We don't have to over-therapy it.
Christina Carlson:Yeah, I mean, the immediate question that comes to mind is how do you know this is a problem for you? Because if you tend to do this a lot, or slap your hands, whatever it's like, how do you know it's a problem for you? Is someone else telling you that this is a problem for you, or is this getting out of your life? Is this making you feel bad, like what's happening there? Because, because otherwise it's going to come from a place of shame, like I, I should be again back to the like I should be going to the gym, I should be doing this, it's like I should eat healthier or I should get more water or whatever. How do you know this is a problem for you? And like what? What is actually what? Why does this matter? You know, like, because I think, I think it is so easy to get caught up in like changing things just to change things, but when we could, when we can name like and that's that's, in and of itself, a way of coping from I feel like like a deflection mechanism, like we want to deflect form of addiction self-perfecting.
Christina Carlson:Like, yeah, it gives a similar high when you get something right. You know like it's. It's all, like it's all a part of being human. But, like you said, how do you know is like, how do you know this is a problem for you, like, is it interfering with something that really matters to you? And? And then moving from that space, because I think if it's a problem for you, you know it's yeah I guess, and it's, it's really something that doesn't.
Jennifer Walter:and if it goes back to what you feel, if you feel the lion behind you, or if you feel it's a problem and that problem doesn't have to make any sense to anybody else, right, it's something deeply personal. If you feel like it doesn't have to make sense to any bystander.
Christina Carlson:Yeah, absolutely, and there's a. There's an interesting like. There's an interesting phenomenon that happens, I think, with like when we set a goal and this is true for like a sobriety as well like we have like again, our minds are brilliant right and there's like, there's a lot of parts of us. I see us as like we have a lot of parts right and, um, there is a part of us that's like, uh, in some like teachings, they call it like their persona and so say, like I set a goal to like, um, oh, this is. This is like a real life example.
Christina Carlson:A year ago, I set a goal to like do yoga regularly, and so I had like the schedule and and then, like, I did it for like a couple weeks and then I hit this certain place and I was like feeling good, you know, and then it's like you hit this like resistance space and a part of me that sounds, it sounds a whole lot like me jumps in and says maybe you're doing this because you're insecure about your body.
Christina Carlson:Like what if you're doing this? Because you're like shaming your body and like you need to be more accepting of yourself as the way you are and it uses. It uses something that matters to me, to try and talk me out of doing something that is important to me and it's it's very interesting because it's like it's using my logic. It's's using my values Nasty little bugger yes, to try to get me out of this, like I already decided, and I feel like that's why it's so important to know. Okay, well, why is this a problem for me? Why does this matter to me? Why am I doing this again? Yeah, the why behind. I need to know that, because when this voice pops in, I be like yeah, okay, we've addressed this.
Jennifer Walter:How did you spot that voice? Because, as you said, I mean, I know this voice too and it mimics me, um, and it uses my logic and all my like smart wits. How do you spot it like, what are your telltale signs where you're like, uh-oh, they gotta pay attention, close attention now the number one goal of this voice is to avoid change because, yeah, because to be the safety of what is because it dies.
Christina Carlson:It's ego, a part of our identity dies when we actually change, and that's just literally a part of life. But there is always going to be a part of us that resists that, because it's uncomfortable and it does not know what is around this corner. Yeah, and it's like you don't know, so it's you so on these days. Yeah, so that's how you know. It's like is. Is what this is suggesting? Preventing the change that I'm trying to achieve?
Jennifer Walter:it always is yes, yeah, for my experience, just going back to like the most prominent memories recollection, I'm like yeah, yeah, yeah, done, 100% checks out there. So we have this voice and I don't know about you I'm on a different mile marker. How can we? I'm good at recognizing this voice and sometimes the voice still wins, which it is what it is. So how, especially when we're going through bigger transitions in life, how can we hold ourselves Like what are maybe practices that we can uphold or habits that you've developed that you know can help us through, um these transitional periods of our lives?
Christina Carlson:yeah, I mean, um, one of my favorite practices is, uh, kristen neff's self-compassion practice and and I would recommend like to anyone to read her book it's incredible, or listen to it. I listen to the audio, what's it called? So we can link it in the show notes. It's actually just called Self-Compassion. Oh, that's a great title, perfect.
Christina Carlson:But the practice that was most profound to me is like placing a hand on your heart and connecting with yourself and saying this is really hard for me, and then connecting with everyone. We all experience this, everyone feels this sometimes and it's okay and just being being with it, offering yourself whatever else you need as supportive words. If you don't have other, I would write something out ahead of time so that you can simply say it if it feels hard to come up with something. But what you're talking about is real. A part of recovery is relapse. A part of change is that titration. It's a little bit and then a a little bit, and then a little bit and then a little bit, like we would die if we did it. You know, like we're not we're, we evolve. We don't like instantly change and that's that's healthy. Actually, that is part of the process, is turning to goo or whatever. Like it's, it's messy and it's like yeah, it feels like goo sometimes.
Jennifer Walter:Oh, it does, it sure does. I have like these like 90s toy slimy piggies in my head that were like bright orange or bright pink, and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, or the Nickelodeon slime or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, stick that everywhere.
Christina Carlson:We know this as 90s kids lots of goo. But it's like if you're like your plan or your how would you call it like your philosophy or your focus or your theory doesn't allow for that kind of humanity, then it's like spiritual bypassing bullshit, because what you just described is like well, sometimes I listen to the voice, like yeah, of course you do.
Christina Carlson:You're human. It's like well then, how do we incorporate that in and make that like a a part of this process? Because that is reality, yeah, you know. Otherwise it's like then we're just creating a cycle of shame. It it's like well, now you have to start over.
Jennifer Walter:Yeah, like this is really where the I don't know. For me that's also like an ego telltale sign of this, like it's just black and white, you know like, oh, now I've fucked this up already. Anyway, I might as well like throw everything to the ground like the water. I might as well like throw everything to the ground like the water, this all or nothing, as if you could, as if one misstep air quotes. It's like undoing something you've done, like work on yourself, growth, whatever you want to call it. Yeah, how, how?
Christina Carlson:distracting is it to live that way too, because if you continually live in that space which, believe me, I have many years- living in that.
Christina Carlson:I was a resident there still, I am a lot of the time. Um, it's, it's so distracting. We are so much more easy to manipulate and control when we are living in the space of like. Oh so I was raised in like extreme religion and there's this like cycle, right, that is just like kind of a part of like living in the spaces that I was living. It's you like you have like a high moment where you like feel connected to God and then you and then you sin, you mess up, you do something human and you're like oof gone. Usually it's masturbation. If you're in junior high and you're in youth group, okay, so that happened. And you're like then you find a way to shame yourself for it. You confess to like your youth leader or your friend. You're like so evil and sinful and whatever all these things. So you shame yourself and then, and then you have this moment of recommitting and you're like no, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna get this, I have a never gonna touch my weenie or vagina again.
Jennifer Walter:Hands are.
Christina Carlson:We're going down there. So it's like you start over right and then you mess up because you're human.
Jennifer Walter:And this isn't the best example, because masturbation is normal and healthy, but, like you hear, me on like, but it's a good example still, because relation uses it as a tool against yourself. It is.
Christina Carlson:It's a cycle that then keeps you stuck, and how is that that much different than the cycles that we get in with perfecting ourselves and trying to avoid being human by doing things that other people tell us are important and by like trying to maintain a cycle of perfection, and perfection is a tool of white supremacy.
Jennifer Walter:so, if we're like looking at this as a whole, it's like we are so much more easy to manipulate when we are focused on perfection we're so much more gullible to buy shit we don't need, so, like I don't know, we're off buying another self-help book or another crystal with the, with the expectation of this.
Christina Carlson:This is going to, I don't know, be our salvation or whatever yes, and, and nobody's allowed to say that anymore, because we all know that's bullshit. We still think it eternally when we're purchasing.
Jennifer Walter:Oh God, yes, the things we don't or can't or won't say anymore, but we still all believe yeah, yeah, yeah, this could. I don't know, this is a topic for another whole talking episode, dear Lord, but, and it's really interesting when, like, if so, we've identified, okay, addiction is something that you have a problem with. That is really deeply troubling you for whatever reason Um and you have, and sometimes you relapse or you do something you don't intend to do and your ego comes in, um and how. Like. I know you have your own personal stories of addiction and to some extent, everybody does. With whatever it is like, how, how do you, how did you know you were ready to give it up, whatever was your like substance or whatever substance of choice, or yeah, um, I would first say like it.
Christina Carlson:It is one thing to say like there is a problem, like you have a problem, yeah, and that feels like vulnerable and like humbling in many ways, and I think that people can find that beneficial and useful. But, like below that, like you have a hurt, like you, you were hurt, and that is that is the root of this. It has nothing to do with the substance that you've chosen to use. Like you, you've been armed and there's healing that's needed there, and I think it's critical to to to allow that to be the focus, or a huge part of your focus in a journey of sobriety, because in those moments of relapse or messing up or whatever you want to call it, that process even in like a natural part of recovery process, allowing you to see yourself not as a victim, but as someone who's who's been hurt and needs healing. It can empower you to choose healing and it also allows you to see what's really going on, rather than an identifier that, like, can bring shame, um, go ahead in order to, like, truly see what's going on.
Jennifer Walter:To what extent do we need to know the cause of our hurt, like? Is it it enough to recognize that it's a hurt that we're trying to cope with?
Christina Carlson:I think that would depend on the individual. Yeah, I suppose. Yeah, you know, like there are some of us who, like, don't have full memories of things yet, and that doesn't mean that you can't begin healing, you know.
Jennifer Walter:and there are other people who it's just it, it's very apparent, and they already know you could heal the first layer and then I don't know like onions or something yeah, because, because, because life is the process right like we're not done, we're never done well, unless we're, like literally done, done, unless I'm in a spiritual afterlife which, and even then your your cells are gonna gotta go on to create trees and whatever else.
Christina Carlson:Oh, yeah, yeah, so we're. We're not done like. Life is not in the like. I did it. Part life is in the like process, so you don't necessarily need to know everything to fully, fully heal like there is nothing wrong with you exactly as you are right now. Healing is in offering yourself compassion and grace right now, wherever that is that you are met. I tried to before I applied to grad school. I tried to like hustle my way into like a career as a life coach and I'm an incredible life coach but like I really tried to like sell it. Yeah, I had such a hard time because I was like, what I'm selling is not marketing.
Jennifer Walter:Yes, I feel you Like people who work with me. They work with me because reasons that sometimes I haven't fully uncovered, but like I'm like literally like telling them you know, like all this stuff that is not marketable, like that's not in every marketing book tells you not to do, and it's just like I don't know because I also don't believe's. Just like I don't know because I mean, yeah, I also don't believe in, like I don't know, pain point marketing, whatever it's supposed. Like, yeah, it's just like, well, I mean, you're perfectly as you're, perfect as you are, there is nothing you need to be. Do see, achieve whatever to something, insert your dream, desire whatever, and yeah, that shit doesn't market.
Christina Carlson:No, it just does. It does not. It is the laborious, day-to-day, simple things that will radically change your life, and that is the hard stuff that we are trying to avoid by buying the six-week package that says it'll change us. Right, like, yeah, we buy the book that we think is going to fix us and just alter us because we don't want to just do the vitamin every morning for the next three hours, drink the water, do the breath, work, exercise or whatever is your kind of thing yeah, whatever you're trying to avoid, you know whatever makes you feel the most vulnerable yeah, and it's.
Jennifer Walter:It's really tempting and I mean it's. I mean we're on the CD Grad podcast, so there's no highway fast track to whatever you want to go, and everyone who is in all areas in business or in life or whatever tells you that this is the fastest. These are the six hidden steps to unlock whatever. It's usually full of whatever. Yeah, or it worked for them, which doesn't mean it works for you.
Christina Carlson:Well, and if it worked for them? It worked for them because they had, like, all these other years of hidden internal work that led up to these like moments. You know, it doesn't mean it's not useful, it's like I feel like. I feel like I mean get something out of every course you do.
Jennifer Walter:Yes, I don't believe in every book I read. It could be whatever, like there's always something I take with with it out of it, because I decided that I love to learn and I'm curious and I can learn from anything. But yeah, yeah, what I wish I had certain learnings that didn't cost me as much like what if?
Christina Carlson:what if? Like we are doing ourselves a disservice by going into these things thinking they'll cure us, because in doing so we are missing the, the richness of, yeah, staying in there that takes longer, yeah, for us to heal.
Jennifer Walter:yeah, I, I actually have this on the intake forum with new clients of kind of like phrasing it of why are you working with me, like and with the intention of, do you believe working with me is kind of like the silver bullet because if, if, yes, we should not be working together because you will be disappointed and I'll be unhappy Because I don't know right, there is no silver bullet. And it's really interesting. I actually had this a couple of years ago with my mindset coach. At the time I was like a couple of years back. I was always kind of like between the, whenever things weren't like as peachy in my business, I was like maybe I should do a PhD. You know, like for fun, whatever, for fun, I don't know if it's due to a PhD.
Jennifer Walter:I know. Well, I mean, that would be also a bit of my weird. I know it's a bit of my weird, but I was realizing it wasn't and she was asking me all these questions. I'm like, yeah, it's not for the fun of it, right? If you decide to do whatever you want to do whatever course with the intention of I don't know, this sounds fun, I just want to do it, then you go do it. But if you attach certain expectations to it, oh, this will allow me to do be wherever I want to be. I would be. Really. That would be one of my telltale signs for I want to be. I would be really. That would be one of my telltale signs for me personally to be like I really should think about this investment.
Christina Carlson:Yeah, For me it's always like well, who would I be if I had that, and why am I not like that? Now my cat is literally trying to break down my door.
Jennifer Walter:I'm sorry if that's not I do not hear the cat at all.
Christina Carlson:Amazing um, yeah, yeah, it's. For me it's always like who like who do I think I'm gonna be with like after I have this? You know, I'm actually going back this school to get my master's in counseling. Yeah, that's it, so like it, but it definitely is coming from a much different motivation than I have been before, you know.
Jennifer Walter:Yeah, oh, agreed, like a lot of my purchases in my 20s of like, oh, I'm gonna buy these shoes or that handbag, because I can tell myself a little story about myself, how I am because I bought these things, and don't go so quick on jumping to conclusion like, uh, I don't know it has to do anything with designer, you can do that with fucking birkenstocks and just you like to tell yourself you're like down to earth and like sustainable and whatever kind of shit. Right, even it doesn't. It works all the ways about this.
Christina Carlson:yeah, like to tell yourself oh, everything we do is for a feeling, isn't it?
Jennifer Walter:yes, and which ultimately is, is also life? Right like feelings is life if we go through life without feeling anything, why, why?
Christina Carlson:yeah, no, it's not bad, it's. It's not bad at all, it's. It's just. It's true like we just, yeah, we do and desire what we desire because of the feeling we believe it'll bring us, and that's like. That's just like you said, that's just life, that's just what it is like. That's not a bad thing, it's just. It's sometimes important to get curious around it if you notice yourself doing the same thing and that feeling isn't really coming with it like you thought it would, or you know it's like yeah, or it just quickly evaporating the moment you got the thing.
Jennifer Walter:Yeah, getting more things might not be the solution, hint, but but is it interesting how, like? How we kind of said, okay, like to live is to feel, but at the same time, feeling our feelings is so fucking hard yeah, isn't.
Christina Carlson:Isn't that interesting like that, like life is what we're here to do and also life is so hard like we can't. We came here to be right, like we came here to have being so hard and being is so hard like, and also like the irony of it all. Yeah, and, and it's so like there's just so much, like everything matters and nothing matters, and it's all like right in front of us and it's like, oh, we're going deep existentialism.
Jennifer Walter:Now, dear lord.
Christina Carlson:Well, I mean, this is, this is where I live like it's just, oh god, like the grass and the ground feels so profound and nothing matters, like nothing else matters. That's why that's what's so beautiful is like we get to create the meaning in our lives. Why so, like? What meaning are you making? Like, yes, you get to make it up.
Jennifer Walter:Yeah, so what do you? It's a pleasure and it can be a curse.
Christina Carlson:Yes, but that is everything too. Like yeah, there, there is actually no one and the other, they are the same. I am controlling and that is why I get stuff done. I am like bossy and that is why things are organized. I'm passive and that is why I know how to relax. Like these are one in the same. They don't exist separately. They are like all a part of what makes life exist. Life is a tree that grows up and then dies like it's all true.
Jennifer Walter:Oh, okay, I feel like there is no other way to end this conversation. I feel my brain needs to process.
Christina Carlson:I feel if you're watching this, not just listening, you could really see my brain process yeah, I mean to bring that all down to earth, like I feel like it puts you in a place of absolute sovereignty in your life. Yes, you get to choose the meaning yeah, and because you get to choose, you're free to choose, you're free to choose, you feel free to choose what you want. And also like you can meet yourself with compassion anywhere, anywhere in the process, and because of that, like at any point you can jump a timeline or whatever and change your entire life. You are the one who has all of this power and, at the same time, it doesn't matter near as much as it feels, so you control it. And also, like it's not that big of a deal, there's no pressure and you get to create.
Jennifer Walter:Yeah, the big deal is our ego voice talking that blows it up out of proportion and to something bigger than life yeah, like what if it turns out amazing?
Christina Carlson:like what if you get to? What if you get to create a masterpiece? Like what if you do well and allow yourself to receive love? And what if all you have to do is cry once to move through this feeling. And like what if it feels really good to cry which only lasts like I mean.
Jennifer Walter:Science tells us your feelings last about 90 seconds.
Christina Carlson:Yeah, can you hug someone through that and you cry for 90 seconds.
Jennifer Walter:Yeah, I'm sure we can all do that.
Christina Carlson:If you can't, it's fine too, yeah.
Jennifer Walter:Maybe next time, Because whatever we'll get another chance.
Christina Carlson:Yep, There'll be some disappointing curveball coming your way another day yeah again, you're literally gonna always be in process, so why not relax for a little bit?
Jennifer Walter:yeah, know when to like. Hold them and know when to like, not just no not today.
Christina Carlson:Yeah, the the weird thing too is like there's like well then, how do I know, like, how do I know, like, when to do this and when to do that. It's like oh, when to like, not address it, or like, or yeah you have to trust yourself and it's like okay, well, how do I learn to trust myself? By trusting yourself, that's it like you don't get to, like get there by like just knowing. All of a sudden, now I can trust myself it's also not a theoretical concept.
Jennifer Walter:You cannot don't think your way into it, you cannot think your way through out of it.
Christina Carlson:It's like just have to do it make it small to start with, but like honestly it's yeah smaller than you think.
Jennifer Walter:Like if you think of something like it's smaller than you think, like if you think of something like it's smaller, yeah, like, cut it in like half or part of the parts, yeah, like they did it until you feel like that's ridiculous, then you're there, then do that thing, yeah.
Christina Carlson:Yeah, and then and then seriously celebrate yourself when you do and keep going. Yes.
Jennifer Walter:Oh yes, christina. Well, first, thank you so much for being on a scenic route with me. If people want to hear more of you, where can they find you? Tell us where you are online so we can link that in the show notes.
Christina Carlson:Thanks for having me. This has been really fun. I appreciate you going existential with me.
Jennifer Walter:Oh, I mean. I mean we could do another episode on Sartre, like I mean yes, I'm here for it.
Christina Carlson:Anyone can find me on ChristinaMCarlsoncom. That's my website. I'm at Christina Carlson Life Coach on Instagram Our career coach. Now, see, the thing is, I do career coaching and life coaching and I'm currently studying for my master's in counseling, so my long-term goal is to do therapy, but I do have one-on-one clients. Now they're just limited, but I always want to hear from people. The best way to get in touch with me is through my website and just sending me an email. I love hearing from you, okay.
Jennifer Walter:And I have one last question that I ask everyone what book are you currently reading or what audiobook are you currently listening to?
Christina Carlson:Ooh, okay, so I always read two books at a time, one fiction and one nonfiction. That's the spirit, yes, the creator of the theory of internal family systems, and he's written a couple books about it. It's internal family systems therapy. And it's one of the most fascinating concepts to me, um, because it's been known to heal some of the most profound mental illnesses. Not heal, as in, like you know, fix people, but rather support people to function, um, oh, with compassion in their regular lives. Um, that's called you were the one for me.
Christina Carlson:I believe I'm gonna have to look it up. I read it so much without looking at the what the cupboard is. I believe it's like you are the one for you or something like that, but I will send it to you so you can put it on the show notes. Oh, yeah, um. And then I'm currently obsessed with frida mcfadden. She's a fiction, psychological thriller writer and I'm on, like her. One of her, I don't know, she's written like 10 books. I'm on like the six called like the surrogate mother or something like that. It's nonsensical psychological thrillers that always have a twist and I like relax, yeah, dude, I love that stuff.
Jennifer Walter:That's. That's cool. You know yourself and you do you. Ok, we're going to link these and they all go into the scenic routes library, so whenever you're like out of material to read, you can have a look there and you'll find something that tickles your fancy. So again, christina, thank you so much for being on a scenic route with me. Thanks for having me.
