Heal Family Trauma: Mothers, Forgiveness, and Self-Empowerment with Blanca E. Rodriguez

Ready for some real talk about family drama?
Buckle up, buttercup! 

In this episode, we're diving deep into the mother of all wounds (pun intended) with the amazing Blanca E. Rodriguez. From Puerto Rican family trauma to untangling the knots of mother-daughter relationships, we're serving up a raw, real, and surprisingly hilarious journey through generational trauma, self-sabotage, mother wounds and becoming your hero.

In this episode, we chat about:

• The mother wound: What it is and why it's such a big freakin' deal
• Breaking the cycle of generational trauma (spoiler: it's possible!)
• How to parent without turning your kids' future therapy sessions into a full-time job
• The power of forgiveness (even when it feels impossible)
• Setting boundaries with family members (because "blood" isn't a free pass to be an asshole)
• Embracing your identity beyond the role of "daughter" or "son".

"You're not your parents' property. You're your own person.
Blanca E. Rodriguez

 Key takeaways:

1. Healing family trauma starts with acknowledging your experiences and emotions.
2. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or allowing harmful behaviour to continue.
3. Self-empowerment comes from setting boundaries and prioritizing your own growth.
4. It's never too late to change the narrative and create healthier relationships.

Got thoughts? Wanna share your own family saga? Slide into our DMs or leave a review. We're all ears (and maybe a little bit nosy).


Connect with Blanca E. Rodriguez
Website
Instagram

Dive deeper
Blanca generously offers a complimentary one-hour life coaching session to all listeners. She wants the session to be as helpful to you as it has been for her. Email her to book.

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Chapters

• 0:00 The Mother-Daughter Tapestry
• 14:15 The Power of Forgiveness and Vulnerability
• 25:04 Navigating Family Dynamics and Forgiveness
• 34:29 Parent-Child Relationships and Responsibility
• 49:12 Respecting Boundaries and Self-Growth
• 59:18 Navigating Relationships and Self-Growth
• 1:03:20 Canine Massage Therapist Discusses Human-Dog Relationships

Transcript

Jennifer Walter: 0:00

What if the monster under your bed was actually your mother? That's a bit harsh, okay, but in this episode we're diving deep into the mother of all ones, quite literally, and I'm really glad and thankful that I have Blanca by my side for this episode. All the way from Puerto Rican family drama to untangling the knots of mother-daughter tapestry and learning how to wave a new goddamn pattern. Brace yourself for a raw, real and surprisingly hilarious journey through generational trauma, self-sabotage and the art of becoming your own damn hero. And bonus, we will dish out hot shelf tips on how to parent without turning your kids' future therapy sessions into a bloody full-time job. So I never said it's not gonna get messy, you know that's always where the magic is right. So you ready, let's go.

Jennifer Walter: 0:55

Hi and welcome to the Scenic Route Podcast, where we believe in embracing life's journey with purpose, curiosity and a bit of potty humor. I'm someone's uncool mom and I'm always looking out for that perfect slice of gluten-free rhubarb pie. Every week, I get the joy of sitting down with dreamers and doers who dare to take the road less traveled in pursuit of their own magic. Together, we dive into the inspiring stories of soulful entrepreneurs and visionary leaders who boldly share their beliefs, lessons and fuck-ups. Excited, so am I. You're exactly where you're meant to be, and now let's take this conversation off the beaten track.

Jennifer Walter: 1:34

Blanca Rodriguez is the owner and CEO of Wounded Healer, and damn, she wears many hats, and all of them splendidly. She has been a licensed massage therapist for 19 years, a certified canine massage therapist, as well as a fitness instructor for 45 plus individuals and a Zumba and dance teacher for more than 40 years. But hey, that's not all. She's also an Amazon best-selling book co-author, holistic life coach, motivational inspirational speaker, educator and volunteer. Blanca is the member and mentor at the American Massage Therapy Association. Member, mentor and vice president of education at Talking Heads of Stuart Toastmasters, member of Puerto Rico Toastmasters Club and area director of Toastmasters.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 2:13

International.

Jennifer Walter: 2:15

Blanca, welcome to the Scenic Route podcast. How are you?

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 2:19

Good and yourself, jennifer. What a joy and an honor it is for me to be here.

Jennifer Walter: 2:24

The joy and honor and pleasure and everything else is on my side too, because you, you, you, you've experienced it all, if I can say, if I can like give a little teaser, I feel you have lived many lives. So, um, I'm really excited to hear your insights and today we're going to have a conversation that is really close to both our hearts and I, if you're anything like us, close to yours too. And some of you who have been regulars on the Cinegra with me know that I have a very difficult relationship with my mother and that we've been on kind of like no contact for almost two years now. And it's good as it is and just funnily enough, like sometimes how life plays, funnily enough, like sometimes how life plays, it shows up stuff. And just end of last week I was on TikTok and I was shown a TikTok by Mel Robbins where she kind of like said oh, you have to love your parents for who they are and not for who you wish they would be.

Jennifer Walter: 3:49

Wow, powerful, powerful. It is powerful, um, and I first I listened to statement and I was like yes, yes, agreed, um. And then she was well, even if they like, don't like therapy, don't want to go to therapy, don't want to change, blah, blah, blah. Time with family is limited, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like girl, that's where where I just do not agree, like why do I have to keep on taking shit? Oh, absolutely, the people who are closest to me, or should be closest to me, just because we're a family and time is limited and you choose not to go to therapy and you choose to continue be like a bad person, like the relationship with our mothers long call like yes, it's a never, ever.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 4:37

it's a ever-changing situation, the relationship with our mothers and I feel tremendously for the situation you're going through, jennifer, but we are all responsible for our own acts. We're all responsible for our own healing or our own misery.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 4:59

And when it comes to that, if we need to go our own way in order to protect ourselves, because it's great to love everybody, but you're going to love yourself first and the most important person in your life should be you Not throw yourself out of the cliff because you love this someone. But when this someone wants to be in a world of misery, how long are you going to follow? How long are you going to be there? How long are you going to try to support? How long are you going to try to help, when all these individuals can do is help themselves? It's not up to anybody, it's up to themselves. It's up to me.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 5:41

It was always up to my mother. And here's with. This amazing conversation has started already because I am a daughter and I am a mother. As a daughter, it was a whole different ballgame to who I am as a mother, and this is what I did with, especially with my relationship with my mother, with, especially with my relationship with my mother. I picked up the lessons with her on what to do and what not to do in this life and she taught me all extremely well definitely yeah, that's an interesting point.

Jennifer Walter: 6:21

I, I always say, but sometimes people, sometimes conversation comes up where you're like, oh what, what did your parents teach you? And I always say, well, they teach me what not to do. Yeah, um, and this is yeah. So my, my basic parenting style is whatever my parents did, I'm going to do the opposite.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 6:50

Oh, I have done that many times myself. Yes, and it works wonders.

Jennifer Walter: 6:54

It works beautifully. Oh, absolutely yeah, it does. And at the same time it's scary too, because you're doing something that is not something you have lived or experienced through and you also don't know if it's going to work. You just hope it's going to work out better for your kid than it did for you, but you have no proof, you have no knowing, true.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 7:21

Very, very true. True, very, very true. But I think it's up to us to develop this very important relationship with our kids as they keep on growing up. I all I know is this when, the moment that my kids gave birth to now, they are full-blown adults, they live their own lives on their own terms. Kids are meant to grow like we did and, as a parent that I am, it was a huge wake-up call for me when my daughter said for the first time Mom, respect my boundaries please. And for me it was a huge wake-up call because my mother didn't respect my boundaries. She didn't respect my opinion. She didn't respect my point of view. She didn't respect what opinion. She didn't respect my point of view. She didn't respect what was my I mean, what was my going in life. It was either her way or you're doing it all wrong. Okay, but this was part of the her rooting of chronic, untreated mental illness. She went through it all the way to her late 70s, when she finally was put in an institution and taken care of.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 8:27

But in the meantime, before her being 78 years old, I lived my whole life around and with my mother. I grew up around and with my mother and due to her mental illness, non-treated. The crazy was around all the time. It was unstable. It was you don't know what's going to happen next. It was the environment of. Oh don't you worry, honey, you're capable of anything you want in this life. But then when I did something on my own right, she will tell me I'm stupid, I'm an idiot, I'm a slut. I mean, it was that that intense that, from a zero to a hundred, there was no happy medium on how to handle things. It was everything. Everything was drastic, everything was not well thought, and my mom comes from a place where I would never want to be. My mom comes from extreme poverty. My mom comes from Puerto Rico.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 9:33

In the 1930s it was the end of World War II and she was in extreme poverty. She will go to school barefooted. I never experienced that in my life. But one thing she decided at a very young age, because it comes with the culture when I get married and I have kids, my kids will never go. What I went through I highly honor that, I respect it and I'm very, very grateful about that that she never gave up, that she was a team player with my father. Rest in peace. And these are things. I mean her audacity, her will to change the narrative not for herself, really, because my poor mother, she got out of physical poverty, of extreme poverty, but she had poverty of the soul and poverty of the heart and the mind. Okay, that was another one that went totally untreated because her feelings and her emotions of poverty they never stopped, even when she lived in pure abundance with my father. He was a business owner, he was meant to do huge things in life.

Jennifer Walter: 10:47

Yes, owner, he was meant to do huge things in life. Yes, but that's how we underestimate, like, the power of poverty has, especially on kids who grow up in poverty. Like it's absolutely, it's not just, oh, there's not enough food, which is worse enough, but yes, it holds, it goes so much deeper, oh yeah and and if there is no recovery, there's no treatment for people that have been in extreme poverty.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 11:09

They will drag that trauma for the rest of their natural life. And my mother's, 93 years old right now, and she still drags her poverty with her in in her advanced dementia where she is right now yeah, yeah, I want to circle back to something.

Jennifer Walter: 11:27

What you said earlier, right like and this is, I mean, an interesting conversation right like you, and it doesn't just rely to mothers, it, we all have this person in our life, maybe this friend or mother or brother or whoever, where you're trying to help, you're trying to support.

Jennifer Walter: 11:50

Yeah, but you said at one point you, you have to sort of let go it's very because you you feel it's impacting you, Like where I mean, I know what my cutoff moment was with my mom Like how do you or how do your clients realize they're coming to a place where they have to let go to protect themselves?

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 12:25

Yes, that's imperative, where they have to let go to protect themselves. Yes, that's imperative. That is the biggest sign of growth on your part that you're not here to save anybody's lives anymore because you got to save your own. And this is a huge rooting for any of us that have been to this kind of trauma and separation. Because my 20s I mean I'm in my late 50s here, so it's a whole different ballgame, a whole different mindset. But in my 20s I got totally separated from my mother for years five years. I will see her from time to time. It was always a clashing, it was always a discussion. It was always this you know it was hell hell on earth.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 13:10

And I was like, well, I don't need, if I am going to take up my time and try to see you and try to have a civil conversation, and it's going absolutely down the same rabbit hole over and over and over, repeatedly, repeatedly. Why should I even bother? And this is when it comes, and at that point I did the right thing. I don't regret not second of me separating from my mother for years, because after that, from my mother for years, because after that she had to do the first step for searching for forgiveness. Because she is the mother, she is the figure, she is the mother figure. You're older than me. You lived a long ass life before I came into this world. You are the one who is supposed to be guiding me into and helping me through the next steps of my life, and that just didn't happen at that point in time.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 14:15

Now, years pass, four or five years, I don't know, but it was a long time that I just disconnected from my mother, and it was the time that there was no social media, no cell phones, no beepers, so it was just a one phone with the curly cord yes, it was the curly cord and you either send a letter, a postcard or a phone call. Postcard or a phone call, nothing else, nothing more. It was that era. So the disconnection was, yeah, a hundred percent, in full fledged. But when we came back together and I didn't choose it, she chose it and we just started having a casual conversation and her calming down because it was honestly as a daughter, okay, it was honestly up to her.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 15:09

She needed to be the big girl, she needed to put her cojones in her place and step forward and say, hey, I messed it up. Hey, I shouldn't, I treated you like shit. But here I am, I'm still your mom, you're still my daughter, I love you and I choose to respect you in the best of her ability for years to come. Because what in her? Here we go again chronic, untreated mental illness, her being abused as a child, her being abandoned, neglected, abused, sexually abused as a child. Of course, her way to interpret the world was let me protect and control my daughter so much and so much and so much that I won't let them breathe.

Jennifer Walter: 16:02

That I won't let them breathe that I won't let them be what they want, so no harm can come Exactly.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 16:07

No harm can come, but I am the one putting the harm in them. That was my mother's story, and when the moment of forgiveness came, she cried and I cried and I said, mom, I messed it up too. You know, I made no perfect being here. I was disrespectful to her and I was I'm not being. You know, I was my mother's victim enough in this life and that's one thing that I got rid of a very, very long time ago, because I'm the owner of my own actions. But I was just reacting to her actions. But I am not putting the whole responsibility on her, because I'm responsible for my own, you could have reacted differently in many situations.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 16:54

Yes, oh, yeah, oh absolutely Without a doubt, I could have reacted differently. I could have done so many things to try to find a way.

Jennifer Walter: 17:02

But again, if you extend the grace to your mother that she did the best she could, you're also extending that grace to yourself. You did the best you could at that point in time.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 17:13

But in the other hand, Jennifer, if your mother is, she is still in that crazy eight. She is still in that vicious circle.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 17:23

Oh, she is, oh, she is, oh, she is, oh, she is Blanca she is and you are the victimizer and it's all your fault and you're responsible for my suffering. Then you know what Mom I love you, thank you for giving birth to me, but I am going my own way and maybe, maybe, if she step it up, because she's the mother, let's remember this is our responsibility as a mother that if we messed it up with our kids we got to step to the plate and say we have to make amends first.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 17:58

Come here. Yes, I want to make that invitation. Yes, yes, and I can really really relate to you because I am a daughter and I am a mother really really relate to you because I am a daughter and I am a mother. When I was raising my kids, they were young, they were little kids.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 18:10

I was in a household plagued with domestic abuse my ex-partner and the father of my kids. He was an abuser. He was full of childhood trauma. I was full of untreated childhood trauma. So we were mirroring each other, mirroring each other. He was. He had a highly addictive personality. He was a drug addict to the day he died and I wanted to go in full Mother Teresa mode. I am going to save this person, when all I needed to do was save myself first. I was too busy trying to save him because I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror and look at those skeletons banging on that closet saying, hey, lady, it's time to have some work to do, yeah you got some soul searching to do besides trying to save him, because the only person responsible for saving him was himself and he never did.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 19:04

He died 13 years ago. He was a young man, 47 years old only so he chose his path to his demise. Now, with him, I learned that my path is not going to be like his. I am not following that, and that's when we broke apart, when he went his own way and I went my own way.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 19:24

But in the middle of that chaos, my kids got highly affected. They were in the middle of that turmoil, of that hurricane of horrible emotions domestic abuse, neglect, abandonment, you name it. We had it. And my kids started growing and I started growing up with them and for them.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 19:48

And it was the time and the time has come quite a few times of saying, hey, I really messed it up. I know what I did and I am here to tell you I am so sorry for my actions and it's time for us to move on from this and see where this goes. I can tell you something my kids love my presence in their lives and it's for a reason because I planted that seed, because I made it better for myself first and then for them. I recognize that it was a very difficult time for them. They come from childhood trauma, but that doesn't mean that they cannot heal from it, that they cannot grow from it, that they cannot just grab those lessons and move on, because they know for a fact where their mother has been and where their mother is now. It's a whole different ballgame. But here we go again mother is now.

Jennifer Walter: 20:49

It's a whole different ball game but here we go again, jennifer, as a mother, I choose to plant that seed the same way that, fortunately, water it and your mercury exactly.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 20:54

You gotta water. You gotta nurture you got. You gotta put some good salt on it. You gotta give it vitamins. You gotta get a love. You gotta talk to your plants. They're living beings and they will grow. They were, they were just blossom.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 21:10

And my relationship with my kids my daughter's 23 years old, my son is 26 years old and the bond that we have is unbreakable. But it's because I planted that seed and you put it into work. Oh, I put in the work I had to. If I want my kids in my life, I have to put the work first and help them to navigate through whatever differences we may have we don't have any differences at this time. When they need someone, when they are in turmoil with something in their lives, they come to me and I honor that. I honor that so much and so much and so much because I didn't have it in my own life as a daughter. I didn't possess that. I didn't have a mother that I could say hey, mom, I'm not feeling well. This happened to me, can I come over and talk? That never happened. I don't know what this, that, that is like I'm experiencing.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 22:07

No, I'm like in shock I have no clue of what that means and I'll never have a clue what that means. It's too late. It's too late for my mother especially. She's 93 years old she is in advanced stages of dementia is too damn late. You know what I do? I go to puerto rico and take care of my mother because I mean that's your soul, thank you. And I mean this is when I exercise compassion and empathy and and it's like I gotta be compassionate for the woman that did her very best, in the best of her ability to make it sort of work, I mean, for all those years that we were apart, that there was no talking, and she came back and she exercised gratitude and she exercised forgiveness. Forgiveness is the heart of the matter. Oh yeah, you got to step out that fucking high horse and say, hey, I messed it up. How can I make it up to you?

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 23:10

That is powerful. That is vulnerability. Vulnerability is power and unfortunately, the older have like have it tied together with vulnerable being strength, vulnerable being weakness not at all.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 23:27

Not at all. To to the older generations vulnerability is weakness, and even my own generation I'm an older generation, I'm in my late 50s here and there's so many people out there and I see myself as an outsider because it's like not, I like to move on, I like to grow, I, I like to be vulnerable. I'm fine with showing weakness. Yes, because weakness is human. We're not perfect human beings.

Jennifer Walter: 23:52

We're not.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 23:52

AI versions. No, we're not AI. We're not chat, gpt or none of that crap.

Jennifer Walter: 23:59

You touched on so many points and I think I want to highlight one that has kind of like been bubbling under the surface of, like I, I get asked a lot, or every now and then, oh, like, oh, are you angry with your mother? I'm like, no, I'm not angry as you've said, like I know she did the best she could and and I think this is really important for anyone listening you can't it. Both can be true. Yes, she did her best and it was not enough. Right for me. True, there, there is room for both statements to be equally true. Um, and it just wasn't enough. Exactly, plain and simple. Right, and yeah, and it's things like putting in the effort, like I mean, yeah, I could, probably could count on one hand the amount of times she asked me how are you?

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 25:00

or the past that that's, that's all the case. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I feel that this is so unfortunate for her and and I and I.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 25:10

She's only 68, but I already feel it's too late yeah, I believe that it's really, really getting late and the clock is ticking for her. I mean, if you don't, if you don't fix this, uh, yeah, you need to. I mean you're not the one who entirely needs to step forward and say, hey, let's talk about this. I mean it is, it is totally up to you if you feel like it, but it's like you feel like it not being obligated by no one being giving you the peer pressure. Oh no, you should be there for your parents and and I I follow Mel Robbins a lot and I love her work, but at this time, with what you, with how we open this podcast, is like, mel girlfriend, we gotta sit down and chat honey, because it's not necessarily the truth here okay no, I mean granted, it was a snippet, probably from a full-grown ass podcast episode, I don't know, but I was just like that snippet is very unfortunate, because if people treat you like shit, why?

Jennifer Walter: 26:11

why go for seconds Just because they're blood? I mean, that's exactly the reason why you should not treat people like shit If they're your own blood.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 26:19

I mean, if that's not?

Jennifer Walter: 26:20

the reason, then I don't know what else could be.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 26:22

Well, definitely I cannot agree with you more. And this is what happens. We have so many friends. I have friends that are more family than my own family. Okay, I mean to be animals, our family, my dogs, our family, cats, our family, your animals, our family, your animals, our people are beings that will never let you down, they will never abandon you, they will never judge you and they will never point their paw at you.

Jennifer Walter: 26:49

I had a very judgmental cat, though he was always giving me sad ass Like bitch you really like.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 26:56

Cats are sassy.

Jennifer Walter: 26:58

And the cats are sneaky yeah. I hear dogs are very faithful.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 27:04

You need to F off for a second, because I'm not in the mood for your thing. And that's the kitty world. I love cats. Cats are so freaking cool.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 27:12

But yeah, going back to you know people decide how long they're going to hold to whatever grudges they may have, how long they're going to hold on to the indoctrination of what generation came before them and how they grew up, because that's another story for another day. And how they grew up, because that's another story for another day. It's like, well, maybe your mother grew up in a worse position than you, but that doesn't take away from the fact that we are beings of change. We are here to change the narrative as we see it for us, and it's about getting out of this eternal comfort zone. Oh, the way I grew up. What am I gonna do? Well, if this is the way you grew up, change the damn narrative and make it better for yourself. How about that? How about cutting the umbilical cord of generational trauma? And this is one thing that I pat myself on the back. Oh, my, my God, jennifer, every single day is a girl. You got this down to the T because I'm a cycle breaker I.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 28:20

I broke the cycle and that's that. I am not going to submit myself anymore to the bullshit that I submitted myself to for a very long time because I grew up that way. No, bro, this is me. This is who I am. I have always danced to the beat of my own drum and it got me in trouble. But you know what? Who says I don't like trouble? So I still, to this day, I I dance to the beat of my own damn drum, man. You know what it is.

Jennifer Walter: 28:48

This is, it's not. It's not. It's not in the rhythm or anything, but hey what it is this is.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 28:55

It's not. It's not in, it's not in the rhythm or anything. But hey, exactly, exactly, I mean, or seriously, you, you know what it is that about dancing to the beat of our own drums, that we do change things around. And I'm a dancer for a very long time, for 40 years of my life, I've been dancing. I'm still teaching to this day and I am very honored and joyful and proud about that. It's like holy shit, this woman, I'm about to be 59 years old and I'm still rocking it with all the youngsters bring it. But, on the other hand, as the from mom to daughter, okay, my daughter loves my presence in her life. My daughter. Last year there was an electronic music festival in Florida and Orlando and people are all half naked and the DJ is blasting and she said Mom, do you want to come to this festival with me? Sure, how am I going to say no? How am I going to say no? My daughter, my 23-year-old daughter, wants me to go to the Half-Eyes Naked Festival with you?

Jennifer Walter: 29:52

No.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 30:00

And it's a big honor, and this is the thing this is the thing that filled my heart with joy and sadness at the same time. Oh, my daughter had her. My daughter had her mother with her. We were having a great time. I met her amazing friends, amazing, all beautiful people. And there were two ladies. They were crying. It's like, well, this will never happen with me and my mom, this will never happen with me and my parents. They don't even know, they don't want to know, they're not interested. They say that this is wrong.

Jennifer Walter: 30:23

Given the life of the festival and the amount of substances, I would also be like I don't care.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 30:31

I don't care, I've been there, done that so many times. Who am I to be judging? Come on. Come on, I mean, have a blast, and if you want to have a blast with me, sure bring it. But then again, here we go again with changing the narrative as a mother, changing the narrative as a daughter.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 30:57

I chose to forgive my mother because now I have a lot of understanding that my mother comes from trauma. My mother comes from a world that it was totally ostracizing her. My mother came from there's. One pill fixes all mental illnesses. My mother came from mental illnesses, the end of your life, you are a nobody. Because it was the 70s, it was the 80s. There was no help for her. I understand that. I understand that how terrified she was of opening up and saying, hey, I am not feeling well and I'm messing my life up and the ones around me as a consequence of my own actions. But at the other hand, finally, after years, of all three of us because I wasn't the only one, I am the youngest of three siblings and all of us three siblings we parted ways with my mother.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 31:39

My mother was all alone. And what did she choose to do? Well, if I want to have my kids around me, I'm going to have to change the damn narrative at least a little bit by exercising forgiveness. Forgiveness, hey, I messed it up. I know how badly I have messed it up. I am so sorry. Okay, mom, and I was like, let me see, I had already my son, so I was getting close to my forties, to my forties. That was the first time that my mother exercised forgiveness.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 32:13

I'm the youngest of three siblings so even though it was, it's still really really late for the things that I wouldn't yearn from a mother, from a daughter standpoint, that I am a daughter, I would have loved to have so many things and so many adventures that with my mother that I will never have. But at least I gotta give her some credit and grace that at least she exercised forgiveness. And I mean I've been living in the US for over 20 years. My mother lives in Puerto Rico. I go every single year to Puerto Rico to have some quality time with my mother and the story is completely different, especially now. Now it has been really, really hard for me to say it's like wow, I never saw the day that I will be changing my mother's diaper, and this is when it's like I am exercising compassion, I am exercising empathy, I am exercising letting go.

Jennifer Walter: 33:12

It's a testament to your strength.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 33:14

Oh my God, jennifer, yes, absolutely. It's like, wow, I don't wish this on no one. Even even when I had such a relationship with my mother was so full of turmoil and civil war. And you said, she, said she, she tries to manipulate me. I, I'm your victim. I'm your victim.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 33:31

It's like, no, I'm not your victim, mom, I really am not. You know, I'm here to help, I'm here to help my daughter, my sister, that she's her caregiver, how important that is. And it's like, well, you know, under mom's limitations because she hardly, she doesn't really speak that much I try to do my best to bring joy, humor and just give a good injection of love, because when we exercise compassion and love selflessly, it really takes us to the next level. And part of the part of me getting to the next level is being here with you, right here, right now. This is important, this is powerful, this is definitely like wow if all of these experiences, all of me going down the rabbit hole, the darkest seasons in my life, which there are many it has taken me here, thank you, thank you Because I'm still here. I could have easily been another statistic of, oh yeah, she OD'd, she died and she left two kids behind. How unconsiderate of her. She wasn't thinking about anybody but herself. Exactly. That's right.

Jennifer Walter: 34:42

Yeah, you're not just and yes, you could have just been another number in a very sad statistic, but also you're not just here, here, right, you're here and present. You're not here resentful or angry, or you know, like. You're here, compassionate and kind. That's another ball game entirely. Yeah, right, because there are also so many people who have given up, and I want to circle back to what you said about like the, the friend of your daughter who was crying at the festival. I think I can relate so much to that. Right, it's, I'm sorry this mother would.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 35:27

No, it's just like this mother wound, like, although I know I did, like, although I know I did what I did was good for me, and I know I am better off in many, many ways than I was before and I do not want to be the person that I was not able to experience, what I had, the way I'm parenting my kid, yeah, and I probably never will. Oh no, I don't think so. I don't think so. That's the worst part. That's when we have these moments of when I was in Puerto Rico it was last month that I was there I took care of my mother for five days. It was only me and her, and I will look at her at the hospital bed in her room and I, and that's the moment of sadness. That's that. That.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 36:25

That is like the moments that, and with profound sadness, comes into play and I will say to myself damn, I will just wonder, because I will never know. I'll only wonder how it would have been Like with my death of my father. My father was killed in his place of work when I was eight years old and after his death, nothing was ever the same again and he was my person, he was my guy, he was my everything at that moment. And when, with his passing to this day it's been 50 years since his passing and I still wonder. I still wonder, wow, what would have happened? How would have been how? How would his relationship in mind grown, or maybe what relationship with?

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 37:14

your kids how what kind of grandpappy he would be exactly what, what kind of grandfather he would have been. And and with my mother the same way, the same way I'm looking at at her, you know, in a catatonic state, and I look at her with compassion, with compassion and Saying to myself it's like, wow, you miss a lot, a lot. She missed a lot in our relationship. What could have been? And I say it because I'm a daughter and I'm a mother and as a daughter, that I wonder what could have been. I am not here to waste my time wondering how my relationship with my kids could have been. I am celebrating every single day the relationship that we have. Isn't that empowering? Taking that broken heart and nest because my heart was broken for a very, very long time and still that sadness makes my heart shake and a tear come down my eye and get choked.

Jennifer Walter: 38:20

It's a very deep wound relationship with your mother or your father like, but I feel mother, daughters and mothers that it's a very, very deep wound yeah, it's a.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 38:34

It's a very, very deep wound. Yeah, it's a very deep wound because we are supposed to really relate to each other in a very profound way. It's a bond that is there to stay, no matter what. It's a bond that either stays for the better or worse. That's the thing, and when I look at my mother, it was with profound sadness of what could have been, and I can only wonder, because it's too late. It's too late and that gives me pretty much a push and the inspiration to keep on going with my kids, where my kids respect their boundaries, just like my daughter said at once, mom respect their boundaries. Just like my daughter said at once, mom, respect my boundaries. Okay, I will definitely do that because you respect mine and we are here not to be. Oh, I'm above you because I'm your mother and I'm looking down at you.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 39:25

I I learned so much from younger generations. I'm not that kind of older lady. It's like I know it all because I have gray hairs on my head. It's like nah, man, I'm here to learn from you. Show me the newest things that you have around, tell me what you have in store for me, and it's a beautiful, beautiful thing, jennifer, and I feel you, my heart goes out to you with your strained relationship with your mother. It's very unfortunate and I know that it's very unfortunate for you. It's a very sad, profound moment for you, but I feel you know what I feel sad for her, her.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 40:06

She is supposed to be the grown up here. She is supposed to be the one that says, hey, wow, maybe all these years ago I've been messing it up over and over and over and this is why, because there's a reason why people just drift away from you. Yeah, there's people that there's. There's always a reason why people say you know what, I don't need your crap. Bye, and you turn the back and you move on with your life. And as a mom, I feel tremendously for her. On, why aren't you doing some good soul searching and look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what have I done wrong? Because you're not the one who's supposed to be the grown-up all the time. She's supposed to be the grown-up because she gave birth to you, is your birthright to be a daughter and is her right to be a mother? But be a goddamn mother, bro. Come on, stop wasting time. That cock is, I mean, there come responsibilities, with both roles, absolutely.

Jennifer Walter: 41:10

But yeah, 100. We had a frail parent-child relationship. The responsibility to open up, to invite discourse and conversation. The responsibility lies with the grown-up, with the adult, with the parent.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 41:33

Absolutely, 100, 100 100, whoever has the audacity to say no, you're the kid and you're supposed to be the one who fixes up everything it's like. Well, I think that's a two-way road, right here, right now, and it's up to the parent to make the first move, definitely, definitely. The first move, either a text. There's so many forms of communication. Now come on. Yeah to a text, come on it's not like it was with me, that it was like only the cord phone from the house and then the letter you know.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 42:05

so yeah, come on, don't make excuses here. We're all grown-ups here, definitely, and there mean there's even groups. I didn't know this, but I heard that there's even groups on social media of parents with parents with strange relationships with the kids and like, well, I don't relate to none of that, I have never seen it, but I met someone that she says oh no, I had a strange relationship with my daughter, but then her anger in her words, words I think they say a lot yeah, I sometimes what do?

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 42:39

you do? What do you do for your daughter to be drifting away from you? Yeah, definitely.

Jennifer Walter: 42:45

I sometimes see like this tiktok post of mostly angry boomer parents like, oh, my kid doesn't talk to me anymore. And just by the way you hear them talk in this like 30 second clip, like the exactly the, the, just the, yeah, the really the belittling of of that kind of says it all and you're like kid, doesn't want to talk to me.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 43:10

I don't understand what's going on. Oh my god, what God? What have I done? It's like well, there you go, right there you are being the victim of your kid when you're supposed to be saying and emotion is everything. Body language speaks louder than a thousand words. Yes, absolutely.

Jennifer Walter: 43:27

Oh, my goodness. And especially when you have young kids right, like they don't understand the words you say, they have no meaning to the words, but they can read if you're tense or like clutching your top, your jaws, like they know, like, oh that's not good.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 43:43

There's no way to deny it. You cannot I mean, you cannot run or walk away from that. And when those clips come in of I don't know what, what have I done to my kid, for my kid not to talk to me? It's like, well, you're going into pure victimhood, you're being your kid's victim right there. Why are your kids victim? Well then, she's got a major, major victimhood trauma going on that you are just reflecting on your kid. Whatever you're carrying with you from wherever you come from, you are throwing, reflecting on your kid. Whatever you're carrying with you from wherever you come from, you are throwing it on your kid. And it's not supposed to be that way. And this is the beauty, when we grow up to be older or those, is that we are under no obligation to have any relationship with whoever we want. We are under no obligation.

Jennifer Walter: 44:28

They're not just downsides to growing up, like paying bills and responsibilities, they're also good sides.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 44:34

Exactly, exactly, and I can say this because my mother was abusive, neglectful, crazy, crazy, bad shit, crazy, and it took us to a very, very bad, many moments and years in our lives. And when she exercised forgiveness and I'm so sorry it didn't mean in any way or form that we were like close knit and it's a bed of roses and daisies. No, it's just that the boundaries are meant to be respected. And if my mother tried to come with all this possessiveness or manipulative I mean she was a very manipulative she was everybody's victim.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 45:16

Why do you do this to me? Why do you do this to me? And I'm like, well, you know what your victimhood I pass and I would just turn my back and leave. It's like this is the beauty of being an adult. It's like, no, I'm going to take your crap as long as I want to or as long as I see it fit for, whatever my mood is of the day, and if I don't need to hear your shit, I won't hear it, and that's that. And that's when relationships are strained. But honestly, jennifer, it's up to the parent to make it better.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 45:46

The parent needs to do the first step. The parent does the first step and I promise you the rest will follow. I was in a turmoil and a horrible, you know relationship. It reflected on my kids and my kids grew up. They don't live with me anymore we live a few thousands of miles away but they want to come to Florida to see me. I want to go up to Wisconsin to see them. My, my daughter wants me to be at a music festival where there's craziness and people are half naked. I was like, yay, yes, absolutely. I love this so much. And my son that he is the quiet one. He wants to share with me everything that he is doing with his life.

Jennifer Walter: 46:30

But that's the seed that I planted me as a parent, I planted it that's when, every time our son comes to up to us, to me or my partner, and he shares something that you see is not easy for him to share, the first thing you say to him is buddy, thank you for telling us that, of course, right, because that's the first thing. But closing up, like with the healing and we said before, responsibility lies with the adult. Yes, 100%, and I also had to take the responsibility of all the times I was the willing fixer for my mother's problems.

Jennifer Walter: 47:29

Mm-hmm there you go Right. There were so many times where I was the fixer. So, of course, when I suddenly decided, oh, I don't want to be the fixer anymore, there was a lot of confusion. Well, why are you behaving like this? You always did. Yeah, it's true, I never should have from the start, true, but True. But I was put in this role and to some extent, I also exercised this role and it's really whole, if you also see not just the victim side and just be really like you know, like, yeah, I also did some things.

Jennifer Walter: 48:16

I I don't want to repeat again, of course, and I don't know. There are probably a couple more times where I have to do to repeat it, because I haven't really learned the message which is fine, which is human, it's fine, it's fine, it's called being human. Yeah, yeah, right, like, sometimes we we're like oh, I, I have to learn everything there is to learn with this, with this last life lesson, and I have to like life coach the shit out of me and it's like no girl, it's fine. Like when, like, if you reflect on the situation and you've learned something from it, that's cool. You don't, yeah, you don't. You're not like a fixer-upper, eternity project, like it's. It's okay, you can also take a rest that's, that's right.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 49:07

That's right, and you're doing what's best for you, jennifer, and that says a lot. It says that you're doing your own internal growth, and that is what matters the most. You know the the one person that you can save the most is you, and the best investment is the one that you do on yourself. That's the best investment that we do, definitely, and our self-talk is. The most important conversation we can have in this world, is our self-conversation, because, oh boy, do we throw ourselves down the toilet over and over? I did.

Jennifer Walter: 49:40

Oh God, yes, oh my God. I mean if someone would talk to I mean I got better over the years but the way I used to talk to myself, or still do in some instances If I would hear someone talk to my kid like this, I would smack their ass Like I'm not a violent person, but I probably would smack their ass Like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we learn, we grow and we learn and we're here for improvement.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 50:10

Any, any little improvement is improvement. And definitely there are our conversation with ourselves and the investment the best investment we do is on ourselves, without a doubt is the more. And, of course, what is the biggest love of them all? Self-love. When we, when we exercise self-love, really everything that just can transform into something better and we and we see, we see our world with a whole different lens. That that is, without a doubt, I, I cannot, you know, there's no way of denying it. And when I start seeing the my world with a whole different lens is when compassion and nurturing, and it's like, okay, let me exercise compassion and empathy for my mother, because her clock is really ticking as a matter of time until her passing and when she goes, finally, I'm gonna be with a sense of, okay, mission accomplished. Oh, what could have been? I know that a lot of could have beens have been there through the years, but there's no way to change it. There's no regret. Oh no, there's no regret whatsoever. I don't regret anything about my life with my mother, that's beautiful, though right.

Jennifer Walter: 51:31

That's how it should be. It is what it is. It ran its course absolutely.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 51:36

They read it. It read it, it ran its course. But it's up as a parent myself. It's up to the parent to make that first step. You have a string relationship with your kid. Get up your ass. Yeah, you parent up there that you are being your kid's victim. Stop being your kid's victim. Do yourself a favor and get up your ass.

Jennifer Walter: 52:00

I'm gonna make this a soundbite or a gif, and every time I see some boomer parent complaining about their strange relationship with their kids, I'm just gonna reply that oh yeah, get up your ass and do something about it to change the narrative, because it's up to you.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 52:14

You're the parent and that's why you're called a parent. Definitely it's not for everybody, but a lot of people still do it. So go ahead, be a real parent, be a human being, be the grown up and approach Approach with an open heart, approach with that judgmental switch. You need to disconnect that damn switch and throw it away, because the judge, the judging part, as a parent, has to go out the door. When you're, especially when your kids are growing up, when they are adults, learn to respect their boundaries, learn to respect who they are, because they are not like a menu in a restaurant.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 52:57

Okay, it's not that you are going to make them whatever you want them to be, because that's the way it's supposed to be in your eyes, but how about them? How about our kids, if they want to be themselves? Is that wrong? I truly don't believe so, and this is why strained relationships are there because we want to govern our kids lives in such a way. We want our kids to be our property, in such a way that that is when disaster strikes, because my mother wanted us to be her property until that never happened. We were never her property in the first place. You gave birth to us. That doesn't mean anything. That doesn't give you the title you are my property. That that is not in the first place you gave birth to us, that doesn't mean anything. That doesn't give you the title you are my property. That is not in the menu. That is not in the book. As a mother of two kids grown up, they're not my property.

Jennifer Walter: 53:44

Don't God no.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 53:46

Honestly, I don't want them to be my property. I want them to go. No no. I think this would be a really terrible thought.

Jennifer Walter: 53:57

If I think that's my property, I'm like what? No, but that's sick, I I know. But you know it starts in so many subtler ways. Right, like how we I see a lot of the the issues, issues, the challenges we have is when we would think of kids, right, and if you would think of kids as already proper, grown, fucking adults, exactly A lot of questions of how I should talk to kids, you would not be thinking this right, it would be totally clear, like would you show, oh, this is always so infuriating if people show like tantrums of the young kids on social media, right, oh, right, of the young kids on social media, right, oh, I'm like, oh right, if, if you're, that's so terrible or if your partner would have a tantrum, would you?

Jennifer Walter: 55:01

would you record it and like, make fun of it? Or or for educational purpose what a purpose, I don't care. Would you record it and show it on social media? No, no, you would. You would not, you would never. So why would you? Think it's okay to show the tantrum of your child on social media. Yeah, exactly.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 55:21

Exactly. It's a very different era. Definitely, and whoever chooses to do that, I think it can create even more grief between parent and kid, because the kid maybe it's like. You know how much you're embarrassed me by this that you posted on on all social media and how my friends are seeing it and they're making fun of me, because this is the consequences of certain actions that people are not really seeing outside of this bubble.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 55:47

Social media never goes away. Whatever you put in social media never goes away. You may delete it from your it from your page or whatever, but when it went all over the place, it will still be there forever. And this is the thing Parents out there of kids watch out, because whatever you post about your kids or with your kids in social media, it can have repercussions in a very negative way for your kids, not yourself. So please watch out what you do, what you say, what you post. Think outside the box, think outside that phone, think about it in a broader spectrum, because people from all over the world can see how foolish you are on posting a fight with your kid on social media, just to make a point. So watch out with that. Very, be very, very watchful, very cognizant about it.

Jennifer Walter: 56:43

I highly recommend this yeah, 100 like it's, but I mean, I feel this is a conversation. This is a whole other podcast, absolutely, but it's really true, right? I feel it shows and whenever I see this, to me it's a telltale sign of underlying issues like you just don't respect your kid as an independent human being you just don't come here fight me on this, but no, you do not exactly, and this is the thing when, when disrespecting your kid, that is not a kid anymore, then that's when separation happens.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 57:27

You gotta, you gotta, respect who they are as human beings and as individuals, because you want that respect as well. So how are you gonna give respect to someone when you're not willing to respect their boundaries, when you're not willing to that, when you, when, whatever they say, you just pass it by because you have the last word on this and what you say is the rule. It's like not really, especially when we're full blown adults. You have a kid on your own right. Your mom, yeah, okay, your mom is your mom, but she's a full grown ass woman, and so are you, and it is meant for her to respect who you are as a human being, as a daughter, and she should be very, very proud of what you're doing right here, right now.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 58:16

This is a message that is that is going outside of your comfort zone. I'm going outside of my comfort zone to help others in similar situations understand one thing Wow, I am not alone. Yeah, wow, I am not alone, and maybe there is a solution, depending on what kind of relationship you have with your parents, or as a daughter, or as a son. You choose your battles. You choose your battles, but make sure, please, it doesn't matter if it's your father, your mother, your grandfather the person most important person in your life your father, your mother, your grandfather, the person most important person in your life If this person is not helping you with your growth, is not helping you with you shining with your own light. You need to make some decisions and it's very hard, it's very heartbreaking, but at the long run you will be okay. I promise you that you will be okay.

Jennifer Walter: 59:12

That's such a beautiful message to end our conversation, Blanca.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 59:17

Thank you.

Jennifer Walter: 59:18

And yeah, like if you take anything from our conversation, like, yes, please rest assured that if that we're always changing, we're always growing and you have no obligation to anyone but yourself, and if you're outgrowing relationships, even the ones with your parents, that's okay, that can happen, life happens. And yeah, we're not blaming anyone, like it's not a question of blame or guilt, like it's just it's what happens. Right, you, you can fully acknowledge that your parents did the best they could and that it wasn't enough absolutely, absolutely.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 1:00:07

Just because they did the best they could. It doesn't necessarily take away from the fact that it wasn't enough for you and it's totally okay. All right, there's no guilt, there's no shame here. Please don't feel guilty about it. Please don't feel like, oh, am I asking for too much? No, you're not asking for too much. You're not, and I promise you that there is when, when some boards are empty, when something is missing, it's just missing and that's it, and probably most likely you won't be able to fill that void. But we get through it and it'll be okay. We are not beings of perfection here. Perfection is an illusion. Perfection is a stupid fantasy that is non-existent in this human experience. We were never. This doesn't come with our instruction booklet.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 1:00:55

Oh, we are supposed to be perfect? No, bro, we're not perfect. None of us are. Our parents are not perfect. We are not perfect, but there's something called harmony, and when two entities come in in harmony, then the waves start to come down. It's the high tide with the low tide, but everything will balance each other out Exactly. It's like a tree, a palm tree. Here in the Americas, palm trees they move and they sway. That's why, in hurricane season, they survive more than any other tree around because they sway. They're flexible and when it comes to relationships, there's gotta be some flexibility here. There's gotta be. You gotta be willing to choose your battles, which is the most important part. Choose your battles, even with your own parents. I sure do, as a daughter and as a parent myself.

Jennifer Walter: 1:01:52

So, if so, blanca, if people are now like, okay, I want to know more about Blanca, where can people find you? How can people in touch with you?

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 1:02:01

Yes, please. My website is wwwwombdeadhealerus. You can find my email, my phone number. Text me. I am here in the US Eastern Standard Time. I am here to serve you. I'm here to help you and for all of the listeners. I'm a holistic life coach. I've been doing this work for a very long time. It's my mission in life to help others improve their quality of life, because I have a life coach and it has been transformational in my life, not only with my relationship with myself, but my relationship with others, and I am here to offer you a complimentary life coaching session one, two hours, whatever it takes. I don't have no time frame here. Call me, let's get together, let's make this work. Don't do it alone, please that's beautifully put.

Jennifer Walter: 1:02:53

Yes, you can't, we know you can't. You can't do it alone. You're a grown-ass fucking woman. But that doesn't mean you have to exactly. So before I let you go, I always have one last question what book are you currently reading, or what audiobook are you currently?

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 1:03:09

I am reading. Your dog is your mirror. It's a oh okay, yes. Out of all things, I read many things. I'm a canine massage therapist and I love to read about behaviors with between human and dog. Let's remember that the behavior, that the relationship between human and dog has been dated since 50 000 years ago, so it's a long ass time that dog and humans have been together.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 1:03:41

so this beautiful book called your dog is your mirror is definitely a reflection on how much your dog can be like you. So watch out with what you're doing, because your dog will tell everybody who you are, and it's a beautiful story of relationships between dog and their human companions. It's beautiful. I'm learning so much about human behavior through the lens of a dog. Imagine that.

Jennifer Walter: 1:04:12

Yeah, I mean, if now, when you put it like this, it totally makes sense, I would just never thought of that. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, I mean, then again, the way you like raise it, raise a dog, is the way you raise a child. So, oh, yeah, I mean, same, same, same, go figure, do with that, do with that information as you will, as you please. Exactly, blanca. Thank you so much for joining me on the Cine Group, thank you, Jennifer.

Blanca E. Rodriguez: 1:04:43

What a joy and an honor has been for me to be here. What a wonderful conversation we just had. It's just amazing. Thank you for having me.

Jennifer Walter: 1:04:54

And just like that, we've reached the end of another journey together on the CineGroot podcast. Thank you for spending time with us. Curious for more stories or in search of the resources mentioned in today's episode, visit us at cinegrootpodcastcom for everything you need and if you're ready to embrace your CineGroot, I've got something special for you. Step off the beaten path with my Scenic Route Affirmation Card Deck. It's crafted for those moments when you're seeking courage, yearning to trust your inner voice and eager to carve out a path authentically, unmistakably yours. Pick your scenic route affirmation today and let it support you. Excited about where your journey might lead? I certainly am. Remember, the scenic route is not just about the destination, but the experiences, learnings and joy we discover along the way. Thank you for being here and I look forward to seeing you on the scenic route again.