Scenic Route, Social Change and Mental Health Conversations for Perfectionists
Forget the fast lane! The Scenic Route is where perfectionists slow down, get better, and create real change.
We explore:
- Mental health wisdom (minus toxic positivity)
- Social change (that starts from within)
- System critiques (with actionable solutions)
- Inner wisdom (over external validation)
- Mindfulness for minimalists (no crystals required)
Join Jennifer Walter, sociologist (MASoc UCC) and recovering perfectionist, for weekly conversations that blend critical thinking with oh-so-much compassion.
Whether you're questioning everything or trying to find peace amongst the chaos, you'll find space here for your inner voice, mindset, mental health, and collective change — you're in the right place. We make space for both personal healing and collective change — with a side of potty humour.
New episodes drop every Tuesday.
The longest way round is the shortest way home – and that's exactly why we're taking the Scenic Route.
Ready to walk the scenic route?
The view here is *chef's kiss.*
Scenic Route, Social Change and Mental Health Conversations for Perfectionists
Wild Kindness: Breaking Free from the 'Nice Girl' Trap
Are you exhausted from being everyone's emotional support human? In this game-changing episode, we're unpacking how being "nice" became a cage and why embracing wild kindness might be your key to freedom.
Drawing from bell hooks' radical vision of love and Pierre Bourdieu's social theory, we explore:
- How society weaponizes kindness against women
- The real cost of emotional labour in modern life
- Why "being nice" is a tool of social control
- How to practice fierce kindness without guilt
- Setting boundaries as an act of revolutionary self-love
Perfect for recovering people-pleasers, boundary-setting beginners, and anyone ready to redefine what kindness means on their own terms.
Join us on the Scenic Route.
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READY FOR YOUR SCENIC ROUTE?
Visit jenniferwalter.me — your cozy corner of the internet where recovering perfectionists come to breathe, dream, and embrace a softer way of living – while creating real change in their communities.
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Need a gentle nudge in the right direction? The Scenic Route Affirmation Card Deck Deck is your online permission slip to trust your inner compass. Grab yours and let's see what wisdom awaits you today:
👉 Pull Your Daily Affirmation Card
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Be nice, don't make such a fuss about it. These aren't just friendly suggestions. They're tools of social control, and today we're going to unpack how being nice became sort of a cage and why wild kindness might be our key to breaking free. I'm your host, jennifer, and as someone who spent years thinking kindness meant making myself smaller in every kind of way, this episode is deeply personal. When was the last time you felt guilty for setting a boundary, or when did you last apologize for saying no? If you're exhausted from being everyone's emotional support, human, from carrying the invisible load of keeping the peace, this episode is for you. Drawing from Bell Hook's radical vision of love and gorgeous understanding of power, we're about to explore how kindness became domesticated in a world that's trying to sell us niceness as another productivity metric. More importantly, we'll discover how to let our kindness run wild again. Come closer, fellow perfectionists and people pleasers. Get comfortable, get your favorite beverage, and let's do this. There's a different way to think about mental health, and it starts with slowing down. Sometimes, the longest way around is the shortest way home, and that's exactly where we're taking the scenic route. Hi, I'm Jennifer Walter, host of the Scenic Route podcast. Think of me as your sociologist sister in arms and rebel with many causes. Together we're blending critical thinking with compassion, mental health with a dash of rebellion, and personal healing with collective change. We're treating perfectionism for possibility and toxic positivity for messy growth. Each week we're exploring the path to better mental health and social transformation. And yes, by the way, pretty crystals are totally optional. You ready to take the scenic route? Let's walk this path together. So let's start with something provocative here. Society has weaponized kindness against women for centuries. I mean, I'm sure you're familiar, you've heard those like be nice, don't make such a fuss about it, think of others. And I'm I'm so sure they sound as familiar to me as they do to you. And the thing is this is something I want you to understand these are not just friendly suggestions. They're tools of social control. They're part of what Bell Hooks refers to as the imperialist, white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy Basically a system that requires women's emotional labor to function while devaluing that very labor. I mean, otherwise we would get like fancy ideas of that, actually like actually wanting to get paid for the emotional labor we do. So these expectations are ingrained with us. We're growing up with them, if you've, if you, if you're growing up as a woman in western society. It kind of makes you responsible for everyone's emotional well-being except your own. And this weaponization of kindness for lack of a better word there it kind of operates through what sociologists, pierre bordu, calls symbolic violence.
Jennifer Walter:Right, the way power maintains itself through our own internalized beliefs, like we don't actually, most of the time we're not even conscious of those right We've been conditioned to believe that kindness means making ourselves smaller, quieter and generally like more palatable or just more beige. We've learned that to be kind means to be constantly available, eternally patient, endlessly giving, like an endless fucking well of kindness that's just going, going, going and does not need, without any need for replenishing. And that is a big part of why so many women feel emotionally exhausted, feel the heavy burden of mental load, and it just we must ask ourselves but hey, what if there is another way to be kind? What if we can redefine what kindness means? What if kindness could be fierce instead of tame, boundary, caged instead of boundless? Or could it feel liberating instead of constraining? And this is where, kind of like, for the past couple of days, I'm playing with the concept of wild kindness, for I mean, that's a working title don't like, don't, don't give me, don't give me hate for it, but I still kind of like it. And it's not a rejection of kindness, not at all. I, I firmly believe my kind of like, my operating policy is to be fiercely kind but not to owe kindness. And what, if we can, with this new concept of order, this emerging of wild kind of kind of wild kindness like? Can we, like, reclaim its true nature? Because when I talk about wild kindness, it's I talk about liberation, right? Because as your on-call sociologist, I always want you to think about who profits? Where does the money go, right? Right, who profits when we believe that kindness means constant availability? Who gains power when we exhaust ourselves trying to be perfectly nice and palatable? Who profits? And this brings me to a very uncomfortable truth.
Jennifer Walter:Many of us, especially women, non-binary folks and other marginalized people and of course this goes. This is even more true for women in different intersections, like marginalized women of color, for example we've been conditioned to view kindness as a form of survival right. How many times like? When? I mean?
Jennifer Walter:I know from my personal story there were many instances where I choose kindness as a form of survival right. For example, that very creepy dude who was sitting right next to me in an empty train. I mean, what man? Why are you doing this anyway? Whole fucking train empty. He sits right next to me, of course, starts yabbing and the difference in our is going through my head. One would be just like just shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, um. And I kind of like went with general kindness of like kind firmly but kindly, letting him down and just kind of like you know why don't you like move along, buddy. Or as we say in German, gang mit gotter, gang like go with God, but go um roughly translated, right.
Jennifer Walter:So kindness as a form of survival has many, many different forms and I'm sure if you reflect on your behavior in the past, you will find instances where you did that. And this has nothing to do with blame we're not blaming anyone here in the scenic ride it's just to become more self-aware. So we've learned to be kind right Before being honest. We've learned to be pleasant before being authentic, right. All the times my mom put me in I don't know cutesy dresses and sweaters and whatnot, like that wasn't me, that was just I don't know me being more presentable for christmas. So also like yes, I said like to be pleasant before being authentic, to be helpful before being whole.
Jennifer Walter:There is a sociologist called arlie hochschild um, who refers to broadly, refers to this as emotional labor, um, the invisible work of managing not just your own feelings but everyone else's also like another great thing about being a woman in this society. But seriously, like here's where wild kindness becomes revolutionary if we see it as a tool that just refuses to be a tool of oppression. With wild kindness we say I can be fierce and compassionate, and it absolutely 100% acknowledges that saying no can be an act of kindness to ourselves and, ultimately, to others too. There is no kindness if you're just saying yes for the sake of it. There is no true benefit for the greater good. I truly believe this. So maybe this could also tie in with what bell hooks wrote when she wrote love as the practice of freedom, kindness that liberates us rather than constraints.
Jennifer Walter:Like, just consider how, how often women and marginalized people are called difficult or harsh or oh, that's so bold of you, so brave, when they simply state their needs, their desires, what they want. So this is something that uh, pure bordere calls doxa. Um, doxas are the unwritten rules that seem natural but actually serve power structures they're. They are kind of like societies taken for granted. On question on question, truths, like things are just the way they are. Um, and think about how like perfectionism intersects with this. How many of us have tried to be the perfect, kind person to avoid like these labels. So when we start questioning the expectations of kindness, we begin to see the deeper patterns of how society maintains control. Right, think about your last boundary setting moment, when you set the line in the sand and were like no more, this is it, this is the line, this is the fucking line. And you stood up, you stood your ground and you took care of yourself. How was it received? Because here's a pattern that often reveals itself in situations like this Women and marginalized people are routinely called difficult or harsh or all all the things difficult to work with.
Jennifer Walter:Oh, she must be on your period. All these, all these derogatory terms when they simply state their needs and stand up for themselves. And this reflex of um getting called difficult or harsh or bold or all these things. It's not, it's not coincidental, right, it happens too often to be that anyway, but it's also not right like bourdieu. You can look at again to pierre bourdieu and his what he calls doxes.
Jennifer Walter:Doxes are unwritten rules that seem natural but actually serve power structures. Right, these rules are so deeply embedded in our culture that we rarely question them, or that we like rarely question to take care of you emotionally, physically. So when that is the belief, then setting a boundary is somewhat selfish and we hardly ever question this. Right, this is so ingrained in us, is so ingrained in us. It's oh. And also, for a lot of us who have a perfectionist streak, takes one to know one. Um, if perfectionism enters the equation, this system is getting even more fucked.
Jennifer Walter:Right, how many of us have tried to be the perfect, kind woman, specifically to avoid labels like difficult or harsh, like, there's a philosopher called sandra bartke who refers to this as psychological oppression. The internet, their internalized belief that our worth depends on our palatability to others. So we end up policing ourselves, making ourselves smaller, all in the name of being kind, being a good woman, being a kind woman. So how can we reframe this, can we? What if our difficult boundaries are actually acts of courage? What if our harsh self-advocacy is actually modeling healthy relationship to others? And okay, this is getting bell hooks. Uh, very heavy on the bell hooks. But I mean, it's true, right like the moment she says uh, the moment we choose to love, we begin to move against domination. And so wild kindness are fierce acts of love, with the important distinction of we love ourselves first fiercely and then we radiate that love outwards because we have to. That's another. That's another downside of um late stage, uh, neoliberalism, liberalism, neoliberalism and capitalism that our well-being is hardly ever radiates into our communities, which it absolutely has to. Um, but we're gonna, probably gonna save this for another time. Um, so where does this leave us?
Jennifer Walter:With wild kindness, maybe with some words of wisdom, some words of encouragement that your worth isn't measured by how much you deplete yourself for others, that the expectation of endless emotional labor isn't kindness, it's actually oppression. So maybe, while kindness could look like saying no without over explaining, just say no, it's a complete sentence. Maybe it looks like allowing your anger to coexist with your compassion. We have no room for toxic positivity here. You have to build a capacity to hold all emotions. You cannot just hold good emotions. Capacity works both ways. While kindness could also look like refusing to tone, police yourself to others, making yourself smaller, I don't know. Wear the bold sweater, wear the bold colors, wear the makeup, wear the perfume if you want to take up space, say what you say, what you really mean, during a meeting, while kindness also looks like acknowledging that rest is a form of resistance or understanding that your boundaries honor both yourself and others.
Jennifer Walter:Maybe each time you practice wild kindness, each time you honor your needs alongside others, you're not just being kind, you're participating in outlaw culture. Again, with the bell hooks, I shoot me, feel free, but she's perfect for this topic. Seriously, guys, she's, she's um so out like creating new ways of being, that challenge, creating new ways of of like changing dominant paradigms. You're showing others, especially the next generation if you have kids are basically everyone around you that kindness doesn't have to be a cage. Kindness is a fucking strength and it takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to be fiercely kind and not to owe kindness.
Jennifer Walter:So maybe for a closing reflection, start noticing when your kindness feels like what Bourdieu calls cultural capital, something you must trade to belong. When do you have to be kind in order to belong or gain access to to a group, to a group, to a role, to something in your life? Or when it feels like power. When does it feel like choice versus an obligation? When does it feel liberating? Or when does it feel like freedom versus control, like take a few moments and reflect on that, or go for a walk and reflect on that, because, remember, your kindness is a force, not a favor. It's not a performance for patriarchal approval. It's, it's not a down payment right on your right to exist. You don't owe it kindness. It's wild and free and it's beautiful and it's fierce and it's yours to define.
Jennifer Walter:So with that, this has been this, this episode on the scenic rap podcast. I'd say until next time, stay wild, stay kind and remember, like when the world tries to domesticate your compassion, maybe letting your kindness run wild and fierce Maybe it's the most revolutionary thing you can do. And just like that, we've reached the end of another journey together on the Scenic Root Podcast. Thank you for spending time with us, curious for more stories or in search of the resources mentioned in today's episode. Visit us at scenicrootpodcastcom for everything you need and if you're ready to embrace your scenic route, I've got something special for you.
Jennifer Walter:Step off the beaten path with my scenic route affirmation card deck. It's crafted for those moments when you're seeking courage, yearning to trust your inner voice and eager to carve out a path, authentically, unmistakably yours. Pick your scenic route affirmation today and let it support you. Excited about where your journey might lead, I certainly am. Remember, the scenic route is not just about the destination, but the experiences, learnings and joy we discover along the way. Thank you for being here and I look forward to seeing you on the scenic route again.
